you always seem to be able to read my mind. so do you really know what i want?...

don't wanna think about it. i'm dreading the day that it happens.. *sigh* though i guess if it really does happen, i know i will get through it. somehow, once again, i find myself in the same predicament.

and i'm free... free falling...

is just my imagination or are my exams really in 3 days time?

pinch me.

as it draws nearer to exams, the inertia to study acutally becomes stronger.

i'm so sure of that! it's got to be the latest law.

ooooohhhh i feel sooooo loved!!! mummy cooked curry chicken and sent it all the way up to my hall. yummmyyyy!!!

*burp* delicious!

i love my mummy!!!

thank you for looking after me and fussing over me to make sure i'm ok... *hugs* =)

sorry if i'm making you worry.

*nursing a spinning head*

everything is spinning.... my hands are shaking... hungry yet no appetite coz my tum tum's churning like a washing machine...

tsk. i wasn't even drunk last night, why am i feeling like this!

i'm so gone. just came back from phuture. it's such a weird night. saw my young one and the fling's "twin". all in 1 night. yikes man.

oh and i met a super duper cute thai guy. danced with him for abit but i can't remember what happened. i probably left halfway. can't remember. i'm so gone...

i think i'm going to crash now....

argh. i seriously don't know what's wrong with me! my concentration span's all of like 5 minutes. then... the next thing i know, i open up my eyes and it's a few hours later. *yawns* i've been drifting in and out of sleep the past few weeks. tsk. there HAS to be sleeping powder sprinkled all over my notes. i'm so positively sure of it! coz everytime i read my notes, i start to feel terribly terribly sleepy.. *yawn* see, now even the very thought of it makes me sleepy. the effect of the sleeping powder! geez.

exams are... *gasps* *BIG EYES* oh no. it can't possibly be!!! 14 days away??!!!! *heart attack* OMG!! it's nearer than i realised. *gulps* i feel faint...

but i'm not studying properly! it's so ineffcient and unproductive. i can spend the whole day at the same page. wake up at that page. and when i go to sleep, it's stll at the same page. you get the drift.

don't know what's the matter with me this sem. just can't seem to study. probably it's the industrial attachment. after 6 months of working, i forgot how to study. heh. yeah, that must be it!

oh i found a new correlation between stress and studying. no stress --> don't feel the need to study. and if i don't study, i wouldn't feel pressurised and stressed. ahh. there! see. it all makes perfect sense. ;)

yipee yipee yay yay!! it's raining!! like FINALLYY!!!! i've been melting under the heat forever!

Secret Conversations

this is going to be a long entry but i felt that it's something i wanted to share. was just doing my QT (after centuries... sigh) and it happened to be about the secret conversations we have with ourselves. how appropriate when we all seem to be questioning our self-worth and our abilities. and i quote from my QT material:

The Bible is very clear about who is prompting us to tell ourselves internal lies. In fact, Jesus Himself cleared up all the confusion on this issue by calling Satan, not only a “liar” but the “Father of lies” (John 8:44). Satan’s goal is to sabotage the work of God in the world and to undermine what God is doing in the lives of people. The Evil One starts his work in the heart because, as Proverbs 4:23 says. “Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”

We need to increase our awareness of what we’re saying to ourselves all day long in the areas of self-worth, personal competency and spiritual matters. Whenever we sense we are having an internal dialogue about these critical matters, we need to ask ourselves about the origin of these thoughts and conversations. When they are lies, we know they come from the Enemy and we must resist them. On the other hand, truthful thoughts are from God and we must respond to them.

"Secret Conversations About Your Self-Worth"
Your secret conversations about your own worth or value are enormously important. If we could put an electronic listening device on some people, we might hear something like: “Everybody looks so normal and happy. What’s the matter with me? Why don’t I feel happy? Why can’t I be more relaxed and secure? It’s because I’m not attractive, bright and witty like everyone else. And I’m certainly not as spiritual. Face it, I don’t measure up. I really don’t matter at all.”

Many conversations like this happen in the minds of people throughout the day. In fact some people experience steady streams of self-talk that denigrate their self-worth day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. These conversations are not benign banterings; rather like a deadly cancer, they can take a dreadful toll.

Contrast the above conversation with the private conversation going on in someone else’s mind: “I live my day among countless people and yet the God of the Universe is thinking of me each moment. He knows my name. The hairs of my head are numbered. He enjoys my fellowship, prayers and worship. He delights in me as I walk with Him. I can feel His smile as I seek to follow Him each day.” Can you hear the difference? One conversation ends in defeat and discouragement, the other in praise and celebration. When we think this way, it’s easy to see how our secret conversations about our self-worth have a powerful impact on our lives.

The Bible is the final word on the subject of our personal worth. No matter what value your parents, relatives, teachers, friends or even you put on yourself, the ultimate reality is the value God places on you! The Bible is full of truth about how much you matter to God. In Psalms 56 we read, in effect, “O Lord, You take notice of my walk and You notice of my wanderings and You keep record of each of my tears.” This is God’s way of saying there is immeasurable value placed on each one of us. There’s not a road you travel or a tear you cry the He doesn’t take note of.

Isaiah 43:1-2 says, “But now, this is what the Lord says – he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” God says that we are the crown of His creation and we matter more to Him than we could ever dream.

God treasures your uniqueness. He dreams of enabling you to become more than you could ever be without Him. You matter to Him.

"Secret Conversations about Spiritual Matters"
As in personal matters, self-talk can also flow freely, and often unconsciously, in the area of spiritual matters. The importance of spiritual self-talk cannot be overemphasized. The quality of your life – and perhaps your destiny – hinges upon your private conversations and the subsequent conclusions you come to in those internal dialogues.

Some people talk to themselves with real honesty. They say, “I know I have sinned against God and have made a mess of my life. I also know that I am lost without a Savior to make things right between me and God.” These people cry out, “Jesus, thank You for giving Your whole life for me. You have offered me a new beginning and forgiveness for all my sins. Without You, I am lost, and because of You, I have been found.” This is the most important private conversation we can ever have.

Others fight the truth and continue to tell themselves lies. They say, “There is no God. There is no heaven or hell. I won’t be ever judged for the life I lived and the decisions I have made.” Sometimes they even try to comfort themselves by saying, “If there is a God and heaven, I’m sure things will work out in the end. I’ve been a pretty good person.” These private conversations are can be more costly than most people ever dream. They are secret lies which keep people from recognizing their need for a Savior.

When we meet God face-to-face, the truth will come out. There will be no lies, no distortions, and no deceit. The truth will be known. And when the truth comes out, those who fought the truth will realize how wrong they were. The high price of those lies they told themselves during this life will cost them an eternity in hell.

The Truth About Girls...

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's crying in her heart.

2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her some time to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.

3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which is why it is so hard for her to 'get over him' after the relationship's over.)

4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.

5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will melt.

6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually is not sure how to react to them.

7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stare ok?

8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.

9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you still treat her as a friend, talk to her.

10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel. Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).

11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in any way.

12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.

13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start telephoning her friends to spread the news.

14. A smile means a lot to a girl.

15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you.

16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, leave.

17. But if she still calls you or expect a call from you, stay.

18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.

19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a great reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.

20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'll wonder why she never noticed him before.

21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl, read romance stories.

22. When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.

23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.

24. Girls love having fun!

25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.

26. A girl's best friends usually know best what she is feeling and going through.

27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.

28. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to a girl, in that order.

29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care for them.

30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

maybe, just maybe, i ought to build that wall around me again. the very wall that i tore down, even before it was finished. look what it has got me into.

why does everything else seem more interesting than my books? my concentration span is like for all of 5 minutes. *rolls eyes* what IS wrong with me! this sem is like the worst worst ever. it just gets worse every semester. yikes. i think after awhile, you develop an immunity to certain things. yeah, this probably explains why i feel no pressure. i've become immuned to exams.

it's a terrible feeling, walking into the exam hall, knowing that you're going to be butchered. and you can almost see the smirk on the lecturers' faces. i so want to wipe that smirk off!! over the years, you learn not to be bothered. you can see the difference between the year ones and the final year students. when you're in year 1, you walk into the exam hall, hopeful and filled with excitment and anticipation. BUT as the years wear on, over exams after exams, you know what's going to happen once you step in.

ever wondered why you had to pay school fees when you don't go for lessons? seriously, ever since the first year, i hardly attended lectures/tutorials. and i'm not the only one. makes you stop and ponder for a minute, what are the school fees for! why don't i just register as a private candidate! that's how useless the lecturers are. they are not doing a good job. except for a handful, the rest cant teach to save their lives. the chinamen and indians cant pronounce properly. they should be the first ones to be sent for an english pronounciation course! so what if these people are smart? they cant teach. period. what's the point of paying them so much! give the money to charity instead. gee with the amount of money i'm paying for my school fees, i can put it down as a downpayment for a cabrio! least the cabrio will do me more good than dragging myself for lessons. i'm not against going to school. i would go, if i found the lectures useful. BUT everytime i go, i get pissed off instead. why raise my blood pressure over some blithering idiots, right? no point getting angry with them! they are so stupid, it's not even worth it.

and they should have a seperate marking scheme for china and indian students. not that i'm being racist or anyting BUT they spoil the market. what are they doing here anyway? why can't they just stay where they are? it's a SINGAPORE university. NOT a CHINA uni. gee, anyone looking at the student population here might mistake it for a china uni! *rolls eyes*

i absolutely love ranting and griping. hah. sure beats studying!

i wanted to add a countdown counter. found some but the codes proved too much for me. decided against it. *grin*

alrighty, back to control and instrumentation. it's so totally interesting, i absolutely love it. i'm not kidding you. i love it so much, i actually decided to stay back and study it instead of heading down to phuture. *nods* that's HOW terribly intersting this subject is. i can't tear myself away from it. and did i mention how mesmerising it is too? i'm so drawn to it. been at the same page since this afternoon.

(if you can't sense the sacarsm dripping from the above paragraph, you've got be daft. either that or the most naive person i know.)

counting down...

21 days left to exams...

36 days left to holidays...

i already have a list of what i want to do after exams. (but don't i always?)

pssstt! 36 days left to my birthday toooo!!! *giggles*

~My Boo~
There’s always that one person that will always have your heart
You never see it coming cause you’re blinded from the start
Know that you’re that one for me it’s clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby (you will always be my boo)

I don’t know about y’all but I know about us and
It’s the only way we know how to rock
I don’t know about y’all but I know about us and
It’s the only way we know how to rock

Do you remember girl I was the one that gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl I was the one who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and people screamin your name
Girl I was there and you were my baby

It started when we were younger you were mine (my boo)
Now another brother's taken over but it’s still in you’re eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it’s all right (my boo)
I know we haven’t seen each other in a while
But you will always be my boo

I was in love with you when we were younger you were mine (my boo)
When I see you from time to time I still feel like (my boo) (that's my baby)
You can see it no matter how I try to hide (my boo) (i can't hide it)
And even though there’s another man who’s in my life
You will always be my boo

Yes I remember boy cause after we kissed
I can only think about you’re lips
Yes I remember boy the moment I knew
You were the one I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame and people screamin your name
I was there and you were my baby

It started when we were younger you were mine (my boo) (you were mine)
Now another brother's taken over but it’s still in you’re eyes (my boo) (yes it is)
Even though we use to argue it’s all right (my boo) (it's all right, it's ok)
I know we haven’t seen each other in a while
But you will always be my boo

I was in love with you when we were younger you were mine (you were my boo) (my boo)
When I see you from time to time I still feel like (my boo)
You can see it no matter how I try to hide (my boo)(it's all right now, it's ok)
And even though there’s another man who’s in my life (what we have is in each other)
You will always be my boo

My oh my oh my oh my oh my boo
My oh my oh my oh my oh my boo

you know that you're my boo, don't you? caught me by surprised when you asked me if you were my boo. heh. i didn't think that you would have read my mind when i told you about this song... well, but then you always claim you're psychic. heh...

i so love this song!!! it's by usher.. check it out!

~Seperated~

If love was a bird then we wouldn't have our wings
If Love was the sky we'd be blue
If Love was a choir, you and I could never sing
'cause Love isn't for me and you
If Love was an Oscar, you and I could never win
'cause we could never act out our parts
If Love is the bible, then we are lost in sin
Because it's not in our hearts

So why don't you go your way,
and I'll go mine
Live your life
And I'll live mine
Baby, you'll do well
And I'll be fine
'cause we're better off separated...

If Love was a fire then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If Love was a light then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold
If Love was a sport, we're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If Love was an ocean, baby, we are just a stream
'cause Love isn't for me and you

So why don't you go your way,
and I'll go mine
Live your life
And I'll live mine
Baby, you'll do well
And I'll be fine
'cause we're better off separated...

Girl, I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Girl, you know I love you
I can't deny
Can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I

I know it hurts so much
But it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road, we lost the trust
So I walk away, so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go

So why don't you go your way,
and I'll go mine
Live your life
And I'll live mine
Baby, you'll do well
And I'll be fine
'cause we're better off separated...

I'm sorry we didn't make it.

i'm screwed. exams are in exactly 3 weeks. AND i havent started studying.

shoot me. just do it.

NOW.

truly irrational spurts of thoughts running through my mind

i'm slowly but surely getting fatter. stop feeding me!!! i'm putting on like a kg every weeks! yikes!!!

exams are in a few weeks time and i can't seem to sit down and focus. HOW! die. i'm so screwed. it's just that... i have to fight against the pull of gravity and the inertia to study. and after i do that, i'm simply too exhausted to study. tee hee hee...

i want to be a model tooo. but i never got down to getting my portfolio done. i'm such a procrastinator. i think by the time i really do my portfolio, i'll be either too fat or too old. *sobz*

i need to study. how? super glue my bum to the chair so i can't run away or something. pull me away from my bed, my laptop and confine me to a room with nothing but a table, chair, my books and the four walls. so that there is nothing else i can do but study.

gee i'm so sleepy... *yawn* maybe i should just sleep the whole day away, get enough rest, sleep my fill, play my fill. THEN study. hah. who am i kidding? i always say that. but it's never enough. when is enough ever enough? we are all greedy. we just want more more more more more more!!

i want mudpies and gelato now now now now now!!!! :( waffles and ice cream too... with honey syrup... yummm

*little tum tum kicking up a fuss*

my lantern festival

heh i know lantern festival was like weeks ago... but i never got the time to sit down and write about how i went to play lanterns with ken and shawn. *grin* had a whale of a time! the funny crazy things we did!!!... i've been wanting to write about it and post the pictures but i never got down to uploading them. well i finally did it. hahaha anyway here are some of the pictures...

us and our triple power lantern creation!!!








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see how shawn carries his lantern? like one of those coolie guys... heeee so cute!


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yes shawn? *grin* don't you just want to pinch his cheeks? hahahahaha

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fly me to the moon...


now shawn and ken want to follow me tooo...



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hahahaha it was awesome fun!

ooooh the young one's single! i just asked my friend. mmmm...

OH MY GOODNESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOODNESSS!!!!! i don't believe this. somebody PINCH ME! the young one knows R and the girlfriend!!!!! i feel terribly faint. everything around me is spinning. i'm going to get a heart attack. this world is way way way tooooooo small!!!!!!!! how did i know? well... what else but friendster?

a friend just added me on friendster. so i was merrily clicking around. then i saw the young one. (another coincidence. my friend knows him. i suppose coz same age? well there are others that know him too. coz same school.. only 2 years our junior...) so anyway, i clicked on the young one's friends. had a funny feeling he might know R coz swimming and stuff. THEN I SAW IT. i saw R's pic amongst the young one's list of friends. my heart almost leaped out of my mouth. in that instant, everything around me was a blur. i felt faint. my mouth went dry. geez. this can't be real right? this is way way way way tooooo freaky. then i looked further down. and i saw R's girlfriend on his list too. *raises an eyebrow*

told ya friendster's like Pandora's box. i'm staying a zillion miles away from the young one!!!! yikes!!!!

* still recoiled in shock*

'tis the season of young army boys... *wink*

i give up trying to study. the most productive thing i did today was sleep. *yawn*

i just can't seem to get any work done!!!! pffft.