this sucks. i'm sick on new year's eve. actually, i've been sick the past couple of days... ever since thursday. it started with a seemingly harmless throat inflammation, just a little sore throat... but now it's quite full blown. i've been coughing non-stop... i can't sleep properly coz i keep coughing... my nose is starting to feel blocked... my ears are blocked... my voice is almost gone and this morning, i have a dull throbbing headache. argh.

shoot me. i can't breathe, i can't talk, i can't stand up without feeling giddy.

my msn in office got blocked!!! *wails* no more msn!!!!!! nooooooooooooo....... what am i going to do now!!!!

i feel so lost without msn. it has grown to be such an integral part of my life over the past few months!!

what am i to do now!! *pout*

suddenly feeling quite disgusted with myself.

i think i finally found my closure.

new year's eve eve eve eve! yay! just a couple more days before it's the new year.

this has definitly been quite a year.

i'm tired. terribly sleep deprived for the past few days. going collapse soon!

it's wrong that it doesn't feel wrong...

major inertia to get started on my pile of work. zzzzz

he said he was going to msg me yesterday even if i didn't msg him. *shrugs* told him i couldn't take the whole waiting and suspense thing anymore and that it was spoiling my christmas so i had to msg him.

yawn. i want to go home and sleep.

ah. maybe there IS christmas magic after all.

he brought supper to my place.

peace offering? perharps.

i just sent him a msg to tell him what i thought about the whole thing... doubt he will reply me but what the heck. i can't take it anymore. if he wants to continue being so childish then so be it. but at least i said my piece.

this christmas is bad. it was looking all good until saturday. i have totally no mood for anything right now.

and i can't sleep!! it's haunting me. everytime i close my eyes, i see him looking at me and saying how disappointed he is with me. that look. ouch. cuts like a knife.

it's crazy. for something i didn't even do. i don't even deserve this! it's such a huge stupid misunderstanding. argh!!!

somebody's back. *grin*

i don't want to look at my credit card bills next month. i've been spending like nobody's business the past few days. it's crazy!!

i still can't believe he could look me in the eye and tell me he's disppointed i didn't take his side. why would he even think i wasn't taking his side! mad. that's the most ridiculous thing in the world to say. me not take his side? hah. then it should be snowing outside now.

this totally sucks big time. he's taking me on one heck of an emotional roller coaster ride! one moment i'm happy, next i'm upset and disappointed and then when he calls, i'm happy again. now i'm just pissed off and angry. i don't even care if he's going to talk to me coz i don't want to talk to him ANYMORE!

BUT i feel that he owes me an apology. no no no, make that APOLOGIES. for raising his voice at me.

and once again my gut feeling was right. i had a very bad feeling about the christmas party. ta da! i'm right.

*makes mental note to really trust gut feeling from now on*

i love the adrenaline rush i get from running! it clears my head and suddenly the world seems right.

stupid christmas party. stupid christmas party. stupid christmas party. stupid christmas party. stupid christmas party. stupid christmas party. stupid christmas party. stupid christmas party. stupid christmas party. stupid christmas party.

STUPID CHRISTMAS PARTY!!!

ggggrrrrrrrrr.

i took taxi to work this morning. and boy, was i disgusted with the new fare!!!!!! it literally makes my stomach churn. i didn't even want to look at the meter!

take a deeeeep breath. can you smell Christmas in the air? I CAN! mmmmmmm. can you feel Christmas? it's only 6 days away!

i took the afternoon off. again. i know. heh. what to do... my manicurist has no other time slot for me to do my nails except at 4pm. sometimes a gal just gotta do what a gal's gotta do. *grin*

i got a pay increase!!!!!! whooopeeeee!!!!!!!

see! christmas time is always a good time!

*grin* i'm one happy girl today!

christmas christmas where are you??????

yawn. the weather outside is getting to me. i'm feeling so sleepy. it's such a nice lazy cloudy morning. yawn.

8 more days to christmas. YAY!!!!!

it's absurd. the cost of living is going up but not the standard of living! public transport is getting ridiculously expensive. it doesn't make any sense. and there's no way of justifying the fare hikes! it's not like they are providing better service for the increase in fare prices. it doesn't benefit the masses at all. what's their rationale for increasing taxi fares? they say the taxi drivers welcome the fare hike. rubbish. that's what they said the last time too when they increased the taxi fares. but it's all rubbish! all the taxi drivers i spoke to didn't agree with the first fare hike. they said the fare hike made people think twice about taking taxis. if the first fare hike was enough to make people think twice? then what about the fare hike this time round?? this is even more ridiculous than the first fare hike! it's almost a 50% increase for peak hour rides. it makes more sense to own a car now.

they are digging their own graves. slowly but surely, they are digging their own graves. they decrease the pay of lower level public sector people over 60 years old by 10% but increase the pay of top civil servants by more than 10%. tsk. the 10% "savings" is not even enough to cover the pay increase. and the people over 60 years old probably need the money more than the people who are getting the pay increase. it doesn't make any sense. you work hard for about 40 years, gaining work experience, climbing ranks, getting promotions and pay increments. then suddenly when you reach 60, when you're supposed to be at your prime with lots of valuable work experience, you get smacked in your face with a 10% pay cut. not because you did anything wrong but because you turned 60. does it even make any sense? suddenly you are only left with 2 choices: to accept the pay cut or resign.

what rubbish is this? what is this society turning into? is the work load going to decrease by 10%? hardly. weren't older people encouraged to continue working? is this how people are encouraged to continue working? and it doesn't help that the cost of living is going up. i'm confused. someone please explain to me how this works. the cost of living is going up but the pay is going down. the pay of not top civil servants, to be exact. so this is how the rich keep getting richer? by robbing the poor? mind you, these people who are getting a 10% pay decrease still have to pay income tax (which in turn contributes to the salaries of civil servants).

if that is not disgusting, i don't know what is.

sometimes...

sometimes i wonder why i even bother to do the things i do.

sometimes i marvel at my own patience and the denial i put myself through.

sometimes i question what i'm doing and if any good is going to come out of this whole thing.

sometimes i purposely keep myself occupied to refrain my mind from wandering.

sometimes i end up making excuses to kid myself.

sometimes i just simply sit and wait.

it's almost 730pm on a friday night and i'm still stuck at work. sigh.

'tis the season? I’m not in the mood for work! It’s the end of the year. Again! Christmas Christmas Christmas! Yay!!!!! I love Christmas. Hmmm will anything special happen this Christmas? I hope so!!

There’s no mahjong tomorrow coz all of them are not in town. upset!!! I’ve been going karaoke with ming quite often this week. Heh. 2 days in a row. I actually think my chinese is improving! *grin*

No concrete plans for tonight and tomorrow yet. It sucks. I want to play mahjong!! Haven’t played mahjong the whole week. I don’t want to bum at home tomorrow coz I’ll be all alone!!! Hmmm maybe I should go catch a movie.

i'm very convinced that i'm not suited for work at all. i spent the whole day bumming with ming and david yesterday. heh. went to see cars then then went karaoke. haha. i'm meeting ming again for karaoke later. or maybe we should go shopping instead. but the parking in town in crazy!!!! paying to drive in singapore is crazy. parking during lunch yesterday cost me $5+! for like only maybe slightly over an hour. tsk tsk tsk

i can so get used to not working!

nel bought me a yi tong handphone keychain from hk. hahahahaha. i loooooooooove it!!!!!

Feels so weird being home alone. Couldn’t sleep at all yesterday! Tossed and turned and tossed and turned but just couldn’t fall asleep even though I was very tired.

bumped into an ex boyfriend of mine the other day. at my office lobby. honestly, i was kinda stunned. what are the odds?! must be about 1 1/2 years since i last saw him...

the more i look at my blog, the more i love the pictures! it's so me!!!

i was a school girl once again yesterday night. *grin* had to go for a friend's birthday party and the theme was uniform. i spent the whole week looking for a cheerleader's outfit but couldn't find anything nice!!! gggrrr. singapore is so boring! as a last resort, i went to get school uniform from bibi and baba. you should have seen the quizzical looks on the parents' faces when ming and i walked into the shop to look for uniforms. ming said the LV bag on my arm was a dead giveaway that we were definitely not school girls. tsk. i was contemplating getting the rgps uniform but i couldn't try, not with the looks we were getting! the size that would have fit me was way too long. no way was i going to wear something which was at my knee or below my knee. heh. i didn't even wear my skirt that long when i was in school! and besides, i already had a pair of very nice black culottes that could pass off as a school skirt (if you ignore the length). so in the end, i just bought an acs international blouse. i've always loved the ac uniform. i think it's the best looking uniform ever!

i'm feeling quite proud of myself that i can still pull off the school girl look. heh. i looked every bit like a school girl, with my 2 ponytails and a school bag! totally felt 17 again. hahaha.

I ended up taking the afternoon off yesterday. Treated myself to a little mid-week indulgence. Met mark and gary for lunch and then we had a bottle of wine. Hah. After lunch, I spent the rest of the day shopping with ming. Shopping shopping shopping SHOPPING! Meeting her again after work for more shopping. Haha. yay. Shopping makes me happy.

Wednesday… yay! It’s finally Wednesday. Feeling quite happy with Wednesday. I don’t feel like working. I don’t want to work. Or rather I can’t find the motivation in me to work. There are a million other things I want to do. I want to study. I want to start my shop. I want to go shopping. I want to play mahjong. I want to sleep. I want to dream. I want to have fun.

sleepy sleepy sleepy sleepy sleepy!

and i have a meeting at 4.

faint.

I’m in pain. Extreme pain! Argh. I can’t decide which is hurting more: my stomach cramps or my muscle aches. Sigh. Of ALL the days I have to have stomach cramps, it has to be today. It’s pure torture. Really pure torture. And my voice is threatening to disappear too!! When I woke up this morning, I couldn’t feel my legs. And then I realized my voice was hoarse too. Sigh. It was like a bad dream.

Yesterday’s run was so bad!! I would have expected this run to be better than the previous one coz it’s not my first 10km but nooooooo. Yesterday’s 10km nearly killed me. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was really going to collapse! The first 5km was good… I was running at a very comfortable pace… running, not walking. Hah. I didn’t even stop for drinks at the 3km mark. Then the sun started coming out and I could feel the heat. Ouch. Hot hot hot hot hot HOT! Every step after 5km became more painful with each passing minute! The 6km marker was NOWHERE in sight! It seemed forever before I even saw the 6km marker. Needless to say, the 7, 8 and 9km marker also took forever to show up. The worst was the last 150m!!! Usually I would be able to sprint the last 150m but not yesterday! I couldn’t find the strength or the energy to sprint. All I wanted to do was collapse on the floor. The last 150m was long and painful and never-ending. You would think that after more 9km, 150m is nothing. Hardly! I could see the end point but I felt like I couldn’t reach it. Talk about out of reach. Hah. It’s like I’m trying to run towards the end point but there was some unseen force pulling me back and away from the finishing point. Heh.

I think my final timing did improve by about 10mins from my previous run. Argh. my legs are so hurting right now. I want to curl up in bed and go back to sleep. I can’t take it already. I’m not sleepy. I’m just tired. I’m the worse possible combination of myself right now: grumpy, pmsy, tired, in pain and irritable. AND I’m buried beneath my pile of work.

and i completed yet another 10km run today! hah. i definitely ran more in the last 6 weeks than the past 5 years.

i am E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D.

faint.