i always thought that i'd graduate with first class honours in something. or at least a second upper. haha well that was until i went to do computer engineering. look how i screwed myself up. damned school makes me feel so stupid! geez my grades are so disgusting... these are the alphabets that i would have never dreamt that i would get, not even in my wildest scariest dreams! i'm like in some kind of a bad dream. please wake me up! the only good thing out of my 4 years in ntu so far is my boyfriend. hahaha i can't find anything else good that came out of my 4 years there.

i can't decide if i should work or study somemore after i graduate. i don't know what i want to do so i should just go study? kinda want to do my MBA though. oh i just found a graduate program in Nanyang Business School which offers a Ph.D (which by the way, i just realised it stands for Doctor of Philosophy. i bet you didn't know that! hah!) without the usual pre-requisites of a masters or work experience. i can't tell you how tempting that is! but i don't know if i want 2 more years in NTU!!

i don't know what i want but i know i do want something...
i don't know where i'm going but i know i'm going somewhere...

what would you do if you found something that made you absolutely furious and upset? tell the other person or just pretend you don't know about it?

no wonder they say ignorance is bliss. i agree totally, and not for the first time.

Girls' Night Out

ooh i had lots of fun yesterday night! *grin* went clubbing with nel and queenie. yup, just us girls! we had loads of fun without guys. hahaha it's been so long since it was just us girls clubbing... i remember back then last year (when i was staying at home and nel was staying in nus hall), how nel and me always decided at the 11th hour (literally at 11pm) to head down to phuture and drank till just before the one for one ended. hee those were days! now that she's staying in hall too, things will be just like before coz we're staying so near each other! yay!

mmmm whoever came up with those nonsense about fairytales, princesses and fairy godmothers?! lots of little girls out there grow up under the illusion that everything's all about pretty rainbows, shiny stars, pink ponies and ribbons... and that all problems will vanish at the touch of a magic wand. then that one day comes when they realise that there actually is no fairy godmothers and no magic wands, and that problems will not vanish at the touch of a magic wand. can you imagine how traumatic that can be for those poor little girls?!

baby's playing mahjong... yawn... i'm so tired but yet i can't get to sleep. don't know what's with me nowadays. becoming insomic. think i got the spelling wrong but i don't really care coz i'm too tired to bother.

every morning, for all the mornings that i'm at home, i have been rudely awaken by the dull low frequency BUT still very loud drilling sounds. the stupid house opposite is going through major renovation and the stupid banglas always start drilling the house down early in the morning, way too early. argh! ggggrrrrr!!!!!!!! did you know that there are TWO kinds of drilling sounds? yeah. one's the dull low frequency one. the other's higher pitched. EVERY MORNING! gggggrrrrrrr!!!!!!!! i HATE drilling sounds and i ABSOLUTELY HATE being disturbed when i'm sleeping. you can imagine how irritable i am for the rest of the day!

i wish my bf would hurry finish his mahjong! tsk. remember how in the past it was just us girls having mahjong sessions? now its guys! geez, how the tables have turned.

don't feel any love! *pouts*

whoa! i can cook!

yeah i can actually cook something which is not maggi mee and it is edible and delicious. isn't that amazing? *huge grin* i just felt like eating something so i poked around the room and found macaroni and eggs and i ended up making myself black pepper macaroni with eggs tossed in olive oil. it's delicious, i tell you! mmmm YUM!

this is going to be so fun. hahaha!

i went to take pictures with queenie after her convocation this afternoon and she told me that jason was there too. so i looked around and i found him standing by the pillar, in a corner, alone (or so i thought). naturally i would be happy to see him coz he just came back! so i ran over to say hi and wanted to give him a hug. then i realised that he was standing rather rigidly coz his poodle haired, slit eyed gf was standing next to him (yeah she's that small and insignificant coz i didn't even know she was there till then). anyway, of coz i couldn't be bothered with her. no time for psycho women like her. i just wanted to take pictures with him and queenie so i pulled him over and asked my bf to snap a couple of pictures. then just as when he was going to take the pictures, something came over and clung herself to jason's arm. yeah. can you believe it? she is amazing! amazingly dumb, amazingly thick skinned. one of a kind man! who else would do a thing like that, i really have no idea. i don't even KNOW her! why on earth would i want to take a picture with her right! who cares if its her convocation too?! *rolls eyes* she's not my friend. i do NOT want to have my picture taken with her. besides, it will just ruin my camera. pui pui pui. she is such a clown. andrew and eugene and queenie were like speechless and wanted to burst out laughing. hahahahah! but she still continued standing there, expecting us to take the picture. i mean, seriously??!! did she actually think that was going to happen? oh my god. she is like the dumbest person, EVER! i was so disgusted by her that i walked away. i declared (pretty loudly) that there was no way i am taking a picture with her and i do not want to take a picture with her. you would think that after hearing what i said, she would walk away, right? but oh no! she still clung herself to jason. seriously. *rolls eyes* she is either deaf, or has absolutely no EQ at all. since she insisted on standing there and waiting for her picture to be taken, we all walked away instead and left her standing there with jason. geez, that woman disgusts me! *rolls eyes*

have you ever seen a woman more thick skinned than this? for a small thing like her, she's got a pretty thick skin. even thicker than elephant skin and cow hide put together.

jason tan, your girlfriend is such a classic. one of a kind. you better hang on to her tightly. seriously. no other guy ought to deserve this kind of misery. you should just be a dear and sacrifice since you're already with her and she's so obviously besotted with you.

oh yeah, one more thing. jason's gf, if you're reading this, good for you! still want to read the blogs of people you don't know? be my guest.

when your mother wakes you up and starts picking an argument with you at SEVEN TWENTY-FIVE in the morning, i swear you cannot think of anyone else you hate most at that moment. even the nicest mother becomes the most irritating woman who is going on about the state of your room at some ghastly unearthly hour. seriously, mothers have such a way of making you do things. i was so awake and so furious that i couldn't get back to sleep so i cleared my room. actually, i just threw out alot of things and shoved the rest into cupboards. ggggrrr!

do you remember this song?

I'm here
Just like I said
Though its breaking every rule I've ever made
My racin' heart
Is just the same
Why make it strong to break it once again?

And I'd love to say I do
Give everything to you
But I can never now be true
So I say

I think I'd better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now
Feelin' weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now

I'm here
So please explain
Why you're openin' up a healin' wound again
I'm a little more careful
Perhaps it shows
But if I lose the highs, at least I'm spared the lows

Now I tremble in your arms
What could be the harm
To feel my spirit calm
So I say

I think I'd better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now
I'm feelin' weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now

I wouldn’t know how to say
How good it feels seeing you today
I see you've got your smile back
Now you say your right on track

But you may never know why
Once bitten twice is shy
If I’m proud perhaps I should explain
I couldn’t bear to lose you again

do you know what's worse than being angry? knowing that you have no right to even feel that way.

ah. seriously, what is wrong with me?!

i'm clueless; i'm just a girl.

what am i supposed to do? what do you want me to do? nothing? yeah maybe nothing is good.

i see myself wandering along a pathway filled with pretty flowers, butterflies and all the little cutsey stuff... all's good. then suddenly i step into some place where everything is dark and gloomy and scary. it's like almost as if i made a wrong turn. only i didn't. and i can't get out of that scary place. that scary place with a witch that keeps haunting me. i'm trapped in some sort of maze with no exit. what happened to my rainbows and sunshine?

random thoughts

yet another one of those days when you wished you had the world at your feet...

you'll never believe the extent of my boredom. i actually did all the laundry. yeah, i know. shocking eh? *shrugs* but there's nothing else to do. i got sick and tired of my xbox, it was too hot to even step out of the house, bf not in singapore, too lazy to make any plans knowing too well i will just cancel.

3 things i want but will never be:
a lawyer, a model and an air stewardess.

why is that you can only have 1 career in a lifetime? why aren't we allowed to have a myriad of choices?

my age is starting to sink in. geez didn't realise i'm coming 23. time must have past me by while i was sleeping. seriously! i'm still living in the world where i'm still 20 going on 21. 23 is scary. i used to say i want to get married when i'm 26 or 27. that leaves me about 3 more years. i know the kind of life i want but i'm not sure if it's too unrealistic. i'm so dependent on my parents, it's almost scary!

what was i thinking when i took computer engineering? i never want to have anything remotely related to engineering or programming, ever! i don't even know how to write a decent program, for crying out loud!

oh now i remember why i chose computer engineering! coz i thought it would be cool to do animation. then somewhere along the course i realised that computer graphics was beyond me (way way way way too much programming!), i changed my mind about animation. programming is cool, but nah. i still remember the time i wrote my first program and something actually appeared on the screen. boy, was i excited! hahaha. yeah shortlived childish amusement. that same excitement soon turned into despair and frustration when i had to write more complex programs and do debugging.

*shrugs* i'm about a quarter way through my life. soon this student phase will be over and i will be thrown into the grownup world. can i go back to being that little girl who was just starting school? i don't want to grow up! *pouts* if only i could wind back time. there are sure lots of things i wished i didn't do and alot more i wished i did! and if only there was just 1 line i could take back! stupidest thing i ever said. what was i thinking!

ah oh well. whatever.