yesterday was my grandfather's first death anniversary. i can't believe it has been a year already. still feels like yesterday. everytime i go to my auntie's place, it still feels like my grandfather is there. his room is still untouched... his bed, his clothes. sigh. i miss my grandfather. i know we all do. i remember his last few weeks in hospital... every weekend and every other lunch time or after work, i would go visit him... even if it was just for an hour during my lunch or 20mins after work just before the visiting hours were over. it didn't matter that i couldn't speak teochew to him... i just sat there with him and i know he was happy to see me. it pained me whenever he asked my aunties where i was and i made sure i always went to see him everyday regardless of how busy i was. my grandfather was my priority. everything else other than work (and only coz i can't decide what time work can be) was scheduled for only after visiting hours were over.

one of my greatest regrets is that he didn't live long enough to see me get married and see his great-grandchildren. being the eldest grandchild, i felt that was the least i could do for him. back in those days when boys were favoured more than girls, the granduncles and grandaunties were disappointed that the first grandchild, me, turned out to be a girl and not a boy. but my grandfather chided them all and loved me all the same.

gong gong... i miss you. even though i don't know how to say it teochew, but i miss you all the same.